5 1/2 Years

I haven’t left this country in almost 5 and a 1/2 years. There was a span in my life where I was heading overseas 2 or 3 times a year. However, when I got pregnant I knew that would end. So when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant I went on my final trip until I didn’t know when. I had hoped as soon as my son was out of diapers I would be able to take him with me on trips over to Europe. Alas the court system had other plans in mind and I can’t take him on vacation for more than one week per year.

We began working on getting out of diapers in March 2020 right when the pandemic hit. We accomplished that goal but the pandemic was still going. Hell, despite what people may think, it is still not fully over. He literally just got his 2nd COVID shot two days ago so we are still waiting for him to be considered fully vaccinated which should be Labor Day weekend!

I’ve started filling out the paperwork to get him a passport so hopefully soon he’ll be able to take a trip out of the country but what that’ll mean as far as the length of time because of the court who knows. Over the pandemic my depression got really bad (which if you read my last post, you would know about this already.) Another thing that happened over the last couple of years was that my anxiety also got bad. So though the world has begun to open up again and allow travel my anxiety due to the fact that my son is still not vaccinated and the rise in Asian hate crimes has made me feel that by going out I was being unsafe with my both my own and my son’s physical health and my emotional well being which would obviously affect my parenting ability.

My son is on a trip with his father to Cape Cod for two nights and will be away from the house for 3 nights. I’ve been thinking of taking a trip during that time but kept putting off planning it and then the weekend came. I packed everything after he left on Friday and it was all in my car but I didn’t go anywhere Friday. I did however end up having a very bad night’s sleep and not falling asleep until almost 4:00 in the morning and sleeping until 10 AM on Saturday. From there I proceeded to shuffle my way to the living room and sit on the couch until about 12 midnight and do nothing but have Netflix on while I tried to solve my son’s Rubik’s cube. I didn’t solve it.

I woke up this morning and saw my bags were still packed and so after I called my son for a morning chat I decided to get in the car and go. So here I am for the first time in 5 and a 1/2 years out of the country. I’ve made it to Canada. I’ve been to Canada once before back in 2005 when I spent the summer touring with Warped Tour. We did have a tour date in Canada but all I saw was the venue. We did give two girls a ride home to some place in or around Toronto, but it was dark and I didn’t see much.

I used to travel for weeks on end by myself. I would have no problems going to dinner, movies, theater productions, bars, or concerts alone. Now so much of that terrifies me. But I am here in Canada, alone. Annnnd I haven’t even booked a hotel yet for tonight. Traveling without accommodation is something I’ve never done before. But I am just a 4 1/4 hour drive from home. So it should be okay.

There was a time I drove down to Williamsburg, VA by myself to visit a friend and that’s an 8 hour drive so I can do this. Besides, it’s already almost 5 on Sunday and the kiddo comes home at 9 AM on Tuesday so I won’t be here long.